Get off of me already!
by Tapir
Summary: After battling and losing to Gold once again, Silver goes to Ilex forest to vent his anger, but ends up getting closer to his rival... literally. Warning: this summary is misleading and this fic does not take itself seriously .


It was a splendid Friday afternoon in Ilex forest, the sun was shining, the bird pokemon were merrily singing from the tree branches, bug pokemon scuttled about doing their business, and from deep inside the forest, echoing between the tall trees, came a voice, loud and clear, and it shouted: "FUCK YOU GOLD!"

A young boy with hair as red as a Magikarp's scales (if it wasn't a shiny Magikarp anyway) was currently kicking everything that crossed his path, from small pebbles to unlucky bug pokemon and even some poor Oddish leaves that were protruding from the ground.

The young boy was called Silver. He was a pokemon trainer, albeit a pretty lousy one (but an extraordinary one according to himself), and if he had been born a pokemon, he would currently be using the attacks 'Rage', 'Mega Kick' and 'Stomp'. He walked fast between Ilex forest's tall trees but he didn't seem to have a destination, has he had just gone through the same crossing for the second time.

"GREAT, NOW I'M LOST." he barked, and nearby pokemons' attack fell. Just then, from the corner of his eye he spotted a small rock, and that small rock's shape reminded him of someone's face, and so he decided to take out his anger on it and kicked it as hard as he could.

And then he doubled over in pain. "Fuuuuuuu-" tears formed in the corner of his eyes, and he cursed himself for doing something so stupid. And then he glared at the rock as if to blame it. It really did look just like that idiot, for some reason. "Ahah, just like the actual thing" he scoffed "stupid as a rock!"

"Who's stupid as a rock?"

Another young boy, this one with raven hair and a cocky smile, was standing behind Silver looking down at him, with a look between confusion and amusement. "Whoa, what a handsome rock!" he exclaimed, seeing the rock Silver had just kicked. This boy was called Gold, and he too was a pokemon trainer, but a rather decent one (but not according to Silver).

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Silver snarled.

"Going to Goldenron just like you, except I'm not lost." Gold replied nonchalantly. "I'm more interested in what YOU are doing though, to be honest. Are you practicing Rock Smash yourself because you don't want to teach an HM to one of your pokemon or…"

"SHUT UP! I was just… you know what, I don't have to tell you!" Silver spat at Gold, getting up in a swift movement. No way he'd look at this idiot from below, that was humiliating. "We just battled like, 15 minutes ago. Are you coming back for more already?" he asked threateningly.

"With you? No way man, no challenge in that" Gold sneered, giving Silver the urge to kill him. "Like I said, I'm just passing by, I am nothing but a Passerby Boy."

"_Very funny_" said Silver gritting his teeth.

"At any rate, if you're lost, you can come with me. I have a PokeGear, it has a map of this forest." Gold offered, his expression softening a bit now.

"Thanks but no thanks." Silver refused the offer without a second of hesitation, and began to turn around to go his way, wherever that way was. This forest looked all the same to Silver: all the trees were the same size and colour, and they stayed the same through the year. Sometimes he thought the world only had two species of trees: the ones you can cut and then ones you can head-butt.

"Fine, have it your way then." Gold had just said, when he noticed something falling from the sky, and approaching Silver's head fast.

"LOOK OUT!" jumping just at the right moment, Gold pushed Silver away from the falling object and landed on the verdant ground, right on top of his rival. The both of them looked back at the fallen object to realize it was a fainted Pineco. It had probably startled himself with something and used Explosion out of instinct, causing it to fall from the branch where it rested. Or maybe it had just been tired of living.

"Wow, that was close" Gold sighed with relief.

"Yeah, just a second more and-AAHH GET OFFA ME!" Silver shouted when he realized in what stance he and his rival currently were.

"Ok ok, geez, it's not like I _want_ to be on top of you and…" Gold didn't finish his sentence and instead seemed to focus on their crotch area.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT!" Silver shouted.

"Calm down! Look, your pants' button got caught up in a string of my shorts, if you can just stop moving for a second…" Gold trailed off, and then shoved his hand between them.

"AAAHH TAKE YOUR DIRTY PAWS OFF MY POKEBALLS!"

"I'm not..! Wait, what? Pokeballs? How old are you Silver, geez." Gold snorted, but he didn't remove his hand and continued to struggle to get his fiery rival's pants' button of off his shorts.

"Look just make it quick, alright! I'm not ok with this!" Silver's voice wavered as he talked, and that prompted Gold to look back at him. His face was as red as his hair, and he refused to look Gold in the eyes.

"Silver, what the hell! Why are you getting all red for?" Gold suddenly felt really uneasy.

"It's just that I've never been touched there and it feels like- AAAH JUST LOOK AT WHAT YOU MADE ME SAY!" Silver yelled, his voice getting slightly high pitched at the end.

"Dude, gross! I don't want to hear about your sexual experience or lack of thereof, and WHOAFGH!" Gold didn't manage to finish his sentence because a knee connected with his, well, pokeballs.

"There was no need for that you jerk!" Gold shrieked, in a voice that sounded more like a Jigglypuff after inhaling helium than a boy in his teens.

"Just get off of me already!" Silver was at his limit now, but still, the damn button wouldn't come loose, and the more they struggled to get free, the more they rubbed on each other awkwardly.

A few meters away, a girl with blue hair tied in two ponytails stopped in her tracks to watch the most bizarre scene unfold before her eyes. This is what she saw: her childhood friend and a boy she knew was a wanted criminal for theft were lying on top of each other on the ground, yelling each other's names as well as profanities, rubbing each other's bodies in the most lewd way she had ever seen, and her childhood friend also had his hand on the other's pants. The red haired boy's face was as red as his hair and her friend was sweating profusely, but both of them seemed really into it.

Seeing as neither of them took notice of her, she took the chance to silently retreat from the scene, so as to give them privacy. The corners of her mouth twisted into a smile and she shed a single metaphorical tear of pride for her friend, who had apparently decided to come out. "Oh Gold, I always knew…" she shook her head.

And so she continued her journey to Goldenrod, trying her best to ignore the passionate yells coming from somewhere behind her. At least she though they sounded passionate.

**A/N:** In case any of you are wondering, yes, the girl is Crystal. Also there's a little mistake in this story: in the beggining it says the sun is shining, but actually, the sun never shines in Ilex forest... ahah...


End file.
